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Monday April 18
Here we are again writing on the plane, I do not know what is special about the plane that makes me want to write, must be that these seats I have left my very comfortable and the little table I still have just the right height for typing without my back hurt.
have not spent too much in my life, in fact, are so insignificant things like clean my room and talk to my roommate. It read insignificant, but in symbolic terms mean much.
When I arrived on Wednesday at my house, "oh, I said my house, my room was an unmitigated disaster, as I opened the door and saw so huge mess made me want to mourn. Not only mourn for the disorder itself, but mourn because I was not able at the time of OrderNo, did not know where to start, also had mine in the mail piece, which meant that Jameson (the homeowner who lives on the floor above) had entered my house and it embarrassed me to see my infinite disorder. I also felt sad because I thought that from that: as it is outside is inside, or how the house reveals much of your inner world, it is private space, I imagined myself as that piece before of go to San Diego I think he had internal chaos proportions, as my room. After that first time I dedicated myself to patiently sort, clean, sort and throw away many things that were no longer meant only the accumulation of trash. Although it sounds strange, doing toilet in my room and leave it spotless, as I left, was a kind of therapeutic ally forced me to focus on the task of ordering, although as I was distracted enough with the topic of twitter.
Parallel to that had to do a small review of a book that should have read on holiday and obviously did not read. I found it on internet and I loved it, made me associate many things for my future doctoral thesis. The book is called: Love in the Time of AIDS, is an ethnography on the explosive growth of HIV / AIDS in an African city. Drew my attention to the methodology used by the author and especially some reflections on the concept of race, spatiality, genealogy and history. I like to do this mix when I do my thesis, and also add some psychoanalytic reading and institutional analysis, I think there walks mine. Of the things I thought, there are some who join movements and psychic spaces, movements and geographic areas or in the external world, if you want to call it.
back to me, because this blog is completely just referred to me and I realize that when I opened it clearly said it was for free association, did not know then that this was going to be so literal. Today I was in therapy, my last session with the psychoanalyst until at least August. We laughed quite a few synthesis and insights I've done. They are so much in so little time, I think I've made a kind of geographic genealogy myself. It is still interesting. She is not going to be at CU when I return in August, which reminds me that I write a sort of claim because it no longer is the only therapist English speaking and it is assumed that the Latino population in Boulder is an important number, then how can they run out of anyone who speaks English? My therapy would not be the same if I had to speak English , I think being able to do psychotherapy in English has allowed me to move much faster, especially if we remember that one of my main problems here has to do English with difficulty and the difficulty of me understand, in order, we will write this email of complaint-suggestion. Now I remember I left a complaint with the hospital, I never called or wrote to tell me something, maybe not even delivered the letter to person responsible, or perhaps the manager did not like what I wrote, who knows, perhaps the letter-complaint is in the trash. No matter, I said what I had to say, I hate to stay, "I can not really keep quiet, when there are things I feel arbitrary or unfair, either in the plane that is. If one is silent, somehow complicit in maintaining the status quo of unjust situations. I do not so much "will" Never Look no "old song by the Chilean group" Prism. " I'm always being bad fighter, but I'm used to a bit of that part of me. Before leaving my claims as projectile vomiting enraged, I think the time and all the things that have happened to me has allowed me moderating, writing is extremely soothing, because as I write the anger goes down and when I as in the third edition of the claims, the kindest thing and leaves and finely ironic.
thought over lunch at the airport: muéranse, McsDonals meal I ate was the healthiest in between pizza hut and stuff like that, the salad was excellent and gave me LIMON, that's a miracle here , all dressings placed him and my disgust me the dressing, I guess pure oil getting to my esophagus and no flavor that I like. Well, I thought as I ate and watched several families with young children that were in there on how I would go with my nephews around here. I was wondering if they will have the opportunity to travel and feel like I felt I: quite comfortable in between people of different colors, languages, textures, class, etc. I think Julian, Pascale, Amparo definitely yes, I'm pretty sure that, as I'm sure they will go to college. But I wondered if Pablito going to go to college and if you go to travel abroad, sometimes I have fears that the answer is no and I would do anything to change that, but I know the mother's role can not be replaced and that there things that As much as I want to avoid, you will pass the same. The Kathita, my Kathita, it will go to college, I'm also sure that, Martin did not know, because I still need to know a little more, I do know of him, how I describe my sister, her mom and my mom is going to be a charming man and very tender.
I remembered now that many, many years ago, probably 1995, I went to see me with my friend Ely tarot, she always finds a tarotista to which I will after she has passed. That day we went to Mrs. Monica, if I remember his house was Greece near the Rotunda. The consultation was at home, a typical grant, middle class, all the same on the outside, but all different inside. The house of Mrs. Monica was a kind of hall full of religious images. There was an altar, I do not know if a virgin or a saint, but it was definitely very colorful and kitsch. Mrs. Monica was already old woman and sick at the time, so I read the tarot in bed. I asked Ely to accompany me, because I knew what to ask, probably wondered what I ask: is someone with me in the future? The answer at that time was not very encouraging (in any case, we achuntó). I said no, not seen one for me at the emotional level, which did see were many trips (at that time was just beginning to work as a midwife and it was my first year as a psychology student) when he said that, that there were many tours and studio in my life, I laughed, I laughed too Ely, never imagined that I would so patiperro. Today, when I realized that the Denver airport and was familiar to me that people do not scare me, if I like, I'm falling in Boulder and I have several kilometers of travel in the body, I remembered her, Mrs. Monica and their predictions for the future that so real. I just hope that you were wrong about the subject groups, but so far I would say that is undefeated, the truth is that I long to be wrong.
When girl and as a teenager I never left my house, I was spent locked up reading or watching TV, it is rare after all realize that I have folded the hand to the target, now left Chile, also left my pupa. Where I did not leave is to be stuck with you, but we are working hard to leave soon for you. Tamara told him today, my therapist, which I will not either write or call, I'm always tempted to do, but have been very selfish and I I deserve that treat me well, I leave behind me masochistic phase emerges as easy to you. And I command you not to tell anyone.
for this flight last thing: I think I draw lots of pictures with the idea that my nephew one day and see them live somehow what I'm living, but I decided that I want better they can travel for pleasure and can make all the flights they please and can learn about other worlds, as I have done, I do not want to just stay with my photographs. I think I was born, nobody imagined that I would go so far, I guess I do my nephews can go very far, I hope that means that for them the wait time is less than mine and have to be fewer turns to be happy, after all, that all travelers seek: happiness.
